I grew up in the LDS church. My family was perhaps a bit more orthodox, which created interesting dynamics within my family. Being the youngest child of 5, I got to see 2 siblings embrace the religion wholeheartedly, 1 sibling rebel in every way possible, and 1 sibling end up confused and unsure of everything.

  I never particularly questioned my church myself when growing up. Around the age of 11, I received what I think is best termed the baptism by fire, in which I received the Holy Ghost and was given a sure and undeniable knowledge that there is a God. I have never thought to question this assumption and never will, due to the power of the experience. I received a similar experience during my college years telling me that the Book of Mormon contained the word of God. Operating on the sure knowledge that had been given me, it only made sense to stay in the church that I had. However, over the years, I had this growing feeling that something about my belief system was not quite right.

  In preparation for my mission, I ended up having the period of several months in which I was not formally committed to any activities, be it work, school, or something else. During this time, I took it upon myself to learn everything I possibly could about my religion, that I might be a more powerful and qualified minister on my religion. During this time, I discovered essentially every main problem that anti-mormons have with the church, and none of them bothered me, as they all either had equally good explanations for both sides, or there simply wasn't enough information to make an informed conclusion.

  What really rocked my world, however, was when I stumbled upon the Pure Mormonism blog, which essentially argues that while the LDS church's foundings and scriptures were inspired of God, the church has since largely apostatized. In reading these articles, I found all of my quiet suspicions of previous years being confirmed and explained before me, and it rang true to my soul.

  This experience was the gateway to much more research and study on my part as I learned of many more incredible works and knowledge regarding things that I had never before supposed. Having destroyed my trust in current church policy and authority figures, I found my mind opened to consider anything and everything and to figure out the truth for myself independent of institutional religion.

  After much studying, I had developed my own view of religion and spirituality that combined elements of multiple formal religions as well as my own thoughts and insights. The end result was a belief set that rang incredibly true to me, made clearly manifest nearly all aspects of the nature of god, the premortal and postmortal lives, our mission here on earth, elements of the atonement, resurrection, and much much more.

  Despite having changed my own beliefs to be in some ways radically different from the church to which I belonged, the end result was only a greater desire to increase in spirituality and participate in my church, as well as an incredible love for others and a desire to forsake worldy things in service to others. Concurrent with this has been an incredible abhorrence of holding on to money and wealth, and I have been finding ways over the past while to do the most good I can with the time and money that I have been given, as well as to rid myself of any excess of wealth I have. I felt extremely guilty the other day when I ignored a beggar, because the smallest bill I had was a 10 and I was still too selfish to give that much away. I felt extremely guilty afterwards, and resolved to never again pass someone up in need.

  While my base beliefs in God, scripture, the founding of the LDS church, and our purpose in life have not changed, my overall perspective has changed dramatically. I am fully at peace regarding my own eternal destiny, I view everyone around me as friends, equals and eventual co-inheritors of god's glory, and I desire only to serve others and draw closer to God.

  Despite much of the falsehood I see in my Church, I hold no animosity towards anyone there. I try only to help others in their own spiritual journeys to gain greater understanding and love.